


Christmas Roast

by Chosha_Hoshiko



Series: Love Without Fear [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Family Fluff, Family Reunions, First Kiss, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13128258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chosha_Hoshiko/pseuds/Chosha_Hoshiko
Summary: **Set with the same characters from "Private Lessons", mild spoilers for later on in the "Private Lessons" story but nothing serious so it's completely fine to read now, can be read on its own without "Private Lessons"**When walking home on Christmas Eve to pick up his sisters from daycare, Izaya finds himself abducted by none other than his greatest enemy (and fellow classmate whom he happens to be tutoring) Shizuo Heiwajima. It turns out that Shizuo's family is having a bit of a reunion with a very specific Christmas tradition involved: the Christmas Roast. The family sits around a fire and roasts each other with the best burns they can come up with. All in the spirit of Christmas, of course.Shizuo needs a plus one to take along to The Roast, and Izaya is the lucky one who was snatched off the street to be it. But how will Izaya and Shizuo handle it when things get heated during The Roast and they start to realize that they don't hate each other as much as they thought?





	Christmas Roast

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the Christmas special for "Private Lessons"! I hope you guys all enjoy it as much as you've seemed to be enjoying the actual story. And if you haven't read "Private Lessons" before and have no idea who I am, then hi! I hope you enjoy this little one-shot as well!
> 
> Okay, have fun! <3

Bragging. That was one thing that Izaya had never before associated with Christmas.

But apparently, the Heiwajima family was weird in more ways than one. Well, considering that the father had enough technological problems to rival the oldest grandpa in the world, the younger brother was a closet pervert with delusions of romance, the mother had the maternal instinct to let her take in a demon from hell, and the older brother had inhuman strength combined with anger management issues, Izaya knew there was more than one weird quirk to the Heiwajima family.

He just hadn’t expected anything like this.

A bragging contest on Christmas Eve.

Apparently, it was a Heiwajima family tradition to sit around the fireplace, in a nice warm group, and enjoy each other’s company. Only instead of roasting chestnuts on a fire while grandma read a storybook, they roasted each other alive with insults while each one bragged about the things they’d done that year.

Why was Izaya aware of this odd tradition, you may ask? Well, because Shizu-chan had essentially abducted Izaya on his way to pick up Mairu and Kururi from daycare, and brought him home for Christmas.

Izaya distinctly remembered the altercation as well as the unnecessary “ride” all the way home, draped over Shizuo’s shoulder like a sack of rice.

_“Put me down, protozoan!” Izaya had pounded uselessly on the broad back with his fists, getting absolutely nowhere as he was carried away down the street._

_“I normally would, but I...I...I sort of need your help tonight.” Had been Shizuo's oddly nervous response, the voice not quite winded from Izaya's pounding on his back but still somewhat shaky because of the taller boy's anxiety over whatever he was thinking about. Weird. Izaya wondered briefly why Shizu-chan seemed so shy and nervous about what he was trying to do with the raven...until he remembered what day it was._

_“It’s Christmas Eve! Why do you need me?!” Izaya demanded, starting to kick as well as punch in a vain effort to escape. At the very least, Shizu-chan could drop him and explain what was going on! They'd been working out a good relationship so far with each one of them (mostly) respecting the other's boundaries and requests. What exactly made tonight different?_

_“My family has a certain tradition each year and each year we need to bring a plus one to participate in the tradition.” Shizuo had explained carefully, his voice making it sound almost like he was dancing around the subject of why exactly this tradition needed to involve Izaya. Well too bad, because Orihara Izaya did not intend to let Shizuo off that easily!_

_“A plus one every year? Then why are you taking me?! Take whoever you usually bring!” Izaya had yelled in response, wiggling as best he could and hoping the beast would drop him. He needed to get to his sisters! They were waiting for him!_

_“I normally take Kasuka but this year he said I couldn’t because he was going to have a different plus one.” Shizuo mumbled, seeming almost embarrassed by where the conversation was now headed._

_Izaya suddenly froze on Shizuo’s shoulder, slowly looking down at the blonde head beneath him. “Isn’t…Kasuka your brother?” He asked slowly._

_Shizuo nodded and looked almost shyly up at Izaya. “Yeah. Why?” He asked in a quiet voice._

_“He’s a member of your family! How on earth could he count as your plus one?!” Izaya demanded, now plain confused by the entire process of this “tradition” and doing his best not to focus on how painfully shy and awkward Shizu-chan seemed at the moment._

_But it was pretty hard considering the way Shizu-chan's head ducked in embarrassment, cheeks flushing slightly red as he continued to walk down the nighttime streets of Ikebukuro. “H-He just was." The protozoan grumbled, kicking a little at the ground as he walked along. "But now I need someone else, and I...I wanted to choose you. You’ve already been to my house several times.” He pointed out quickly, almost like he was trying to convince Izaya of what this whole thing was a good idea. But Izaya wasn't buying it._

_“I was tutoring you!" The raven growled, glaring almost murderously at Shizu-chan's blonde head. "I’m_ still _tutoring you over the holiday break, out of the goodness of my heart, and I thought I was free from it this evening since it’s Christmas Eve!”_

_“I know. But I don’t want to take anyone else. Please, Izaya-kun?” Shizuo had looked up at him with a pleading look, shuffling uncomfortably in place on the snow-covered street._

_“I don’t feel as comfortable with anyone else as I do with you.”_

_Izaya had paused at that, feeling a warm buzzing spread through his chest. Why did it make him so happy to hear that?_

_“Well then, you’re an idiot.” Izaya said aloud, refusing to acknowledge the pleasant feeling in his chest. “And I’m sorry, but I can’t come with you. I have to take care of my sisters.”_

_Shizuo frowned and gazed at Izaya with an unreadable look in his eyes. “Shouldn’t your parents be home to take care of them?” He asked slowly. Izaya immediately looked away, not wanting Shizuo to figure out if he was lying from his face. “Ah, they’ll be out late tonight for a meeting.” He lied, not wanting to tell Shizuo that he wasn’t actually expecting them back for another two months. “So I have to watch the girls.”_

_Shizuo was silent for a bit. “It's just Mairu and Kururi, right?” He asked slowly, looking at Izaya out of the corner of his eye. Izaya was a little confused by the question but he nodded nonetheless. “Yes. Only them.” Izaya said quietly, and Shizuo nodded to himself, thinking._

_“Well, if it makes you feel better...then they can be each other’s plus ones and come along, too. Where are they?” He asked with certainty in his voice, looking up at Izaya with a firm nod._

_“What?! You can’t be serious!” Izaya had shrieked._

_“I’m dead serious. They'll have fun. Bring them over.” Shizuo had responded flatly, the first time that he'd seemed completely sure of himself and his actions all night._

_“No!”_

_“Yes.”_

_“No!”_

_“Yes.”_

_“NO!”_

And so the Oriharas had all come to the Heiwajima household for Christmas Eve dinner and the annual Christmas Roast.

Izaya was now seated next to Shizuo on the floor as they all made a ring around the fireplace, Kichirou throwing in some last minute logs before settling back in the sofa (that he’d made Shizuo drag over) next to his wife.

Mairu and Kururi, both thrilled to be able to see where Iza-nii spent a lot of his time these days, were bouncing excitedly on either side of Kasuka, who was sitting with a blank face on the recliner chair (also dragged in by Shizuo).

Kasuka’s plus one, it seemed, had cancelled last minute and so he’d invited a cousin of the Heiwajimas to come over instead. Said cousin was seated in a rocking chair (Shizuo’s Furniture Moving Service: We charge nothing but angry growls and muttered complaints!) next to Shizuo’s grandmother and grandfather as they sat on the final couch of the living room (Izaya had actually moved that one…he’d felt bad for the protozoan at that point).

Kichirou rubbed his hands together excitedly, looking around at all of them with a big grin spread all over his face. “Well then!” He said with an evil glint in his eye. “Shall we begin…The Roast?!”

The Heiwajimas all cheered, even Kasuka and Shizuo, and Izaya started to wonder just how big a deal this Roast was.

“This is the most people we’ve ever had take part in this at once!” Namiko gushed, clasping her hands excitedly as she looked around the room. “Why, we have the grandparents, the parents, both sons, a cousin, two wonderful little girls, and Shizuo’s boyfriend!”

Izaya choked on air at that comment, his red eyes bugging out in his face as Shizuo hurriedly patted his back, embarrassment covering both of their faces. Izaya felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest. Boyfriend?! When had _that_ happened?!

“Mother, Izaya-chan is not Nii-san’s boyfriend.” Kasuka said calmly, through Izaya’s frantic coughing. Izaya felt the need to thank the creepy stalker boy – maybe he wasn’t so bad after all – until he opened his mouth and spoke again: “He’s my lover.”

Now Izaya full-on doubled over, collapsing into Shizuo’s lap as his lungs tried to escape his body. He hacked violently, a worried Shizuo rubbing circles on his back and trying to help him sit up, his face just as red as Izaya’s.

“Iza-nii! What’s a lover?!” Mairu screeched, and all eyes went immediately over to her. “Lover. Shizu-nii.” Kururi added quietly, and Mairu nodded frantically like Kururi had just given an inspiring war speech. “She’s right! Shizu-nii is Iza-nii’s lover!” Mairu declared mightily, bouncing in place and grinning at her older brother. Izaya stared back at her in shock. Dear lord, how did he respond to this?

“Kasu-nii. Ours.” Kururi said, her tiny arms looping around Kasuka’s left arm. “Also true!” Mairu screeched in delight, grabbing Kasuka’s other arm and looking up at him in glee. “Kasu-nii is ours! We belong to Kasu-nii and he to us! We’ll do whatever Kasu-nii wants!” She chirped in rapid fire speech, nuzzling against the flat-faced boy’s arm affectionately.  
“Really? Anything?” Kasuka asked flatly, and a cold chill went through Izaya’s body at the thought of his sisters ending up with a pervert like Kasuka.

“No! Not anything!” Izaya screeched, jumping to his feet and pointing an accusing finger at Kasuka. “They do not do anything that I am unwilling to do!”

Mairu pouted at Izaya with a wobbling lip and big eyes. “But that’s not fair! Iza-nii belongs to Shizu-nii! He doesn’t ask you to do anything.” She whined, and Kururi nodded in silent agreement.

Izaya felt his face flame red. “I-I-I don’t belong to Shizu-chan!” He yelled, glaring at his little sister.

“I’m still trying to get over the fact that _Shizuo_ got a boyfriend!” The cousin suddenly remarked from his rocking chair, looking Izaya up and down appreciatively. “Whew. If I had a girlfriend with an ass like yours…man, I’d be asking for a lot of different things, you know what I’m saying?” He laughed and Izaya snarled at the guy in the rocking chair, feeling his face go even redder.

“Izaya-kun, calm down! Kotaru is a world-renowned idiot.” Shizuo said, pulling Izaya back down onto the ground beside him. Izaya turned to Shizuo to protest but stopped when he saw the murderous glare that was in the monster’s eyes…directed at his cousin.

“Hey! I was just saying!” Kotaru said defensively, shuffling a bit under Shizuo’s intense glare.

“And I can’t wait to hear what Shizuo has to say about you when it gets to be his turn to roast you!” Kichirou said cheerfully, the attention of the room going back to the evilly grinning man by the fireplace. “Let’s get this thing started now that we’re all heated up, eh?”

“Oh, Kichirou.” The grandmother chuckled, shaking her head at her son. “You haven’t grown up a bit.”

“Not from this I haven’t!” Kichirou said shamelessly, turning to grin at the grandfather. “Eldest first, my good man! Go on! Brag or roast?”

“Brag or roast?” Izaya asked Shizuo quietly. Shizuo leaned down so he could whisper in the raven’s ear. His lips brushed against Izaya’s earlobe, making him shudder as a jolt of electricity shot through his spine.

“You get a choice about whether to brag about something you’ve done this year or to roast someone else about something they did.” Shizuo explained, his hot breath coursing over Izaya’s body with delicious heat. “And if you get roasted, you have fifteen seconds to respond with a different roast and get that person back. Simple as that.”  
“Uh huh.” Izaya nodded dumbly, feeling his mind go a little fuzzy from the closeness of Shizuo’s mouth. Shizuo seemed to pause at his words, and a bolt of panic went through Izaya as he wondered if maybe he’d spoken a little too breathily. Had Shizu-chan noticed something? Were things about to get really awkward?!

But Shizuo just snaked his arms around Izaya’s waist, pulling the smaller boy onto his lap and settling down comfortably on the floor. Izaya’s body fit snugly into Shizuo’s, the curves of his hips perfectly molding against the broadness of Shizuo’s. Izaya’s butt was placed right on Shizuo’s crotch, but somehow, that seemed right, too. He seemed to fit wherever Shizuo put him, like a puzzle piece that always matched. Izaya settled back against Shizuo’s strong chest, letting the heat of the protozoan’s body warm his body from the winter cold that had been outside.

Shizuo silently placed his chin atop Izaya’s head, letting his rough hands slide up and down Izaya’s smooth sides at a nice, slow pace.

Izaya felt dizzy with delight and contentment. He was so happy right now.

“…and that was how I got my newest scar.” The grandfather finished his story proudly, and the others clapped for him with comments and grins. The grandfather nudged Shizuo and winked at him, face crinkling with a lewd look that did not belong on the face of an old man. “But enough about me. Let’s hear about how you wrangled _that_ tasty morsel, hm?”

The grandpa winked at Izaya next, and Izaya felt a shudder of horror go up his spine. Oh please don’t let him retch on Grandpa Heiwajima. Even if he was an old pervert, no need to make him a vomit-smelling old pervert.

Shizuo protectively wrapped his arms around Izaya and sighed, shaking his head at his grandfather. “You’re such a perv, Grandpa.” He said simply, holding Izaya close. “That’s where Kasuka gets it from.”

“Speaking of that,” Kasuka’s flat voice broke in and the room turned to face the expressionless boy as he lay under the affectionate attacks of the twins. Kasuka seemed to be ignoring the nuzzling, hugging, whining twins quite well as he turned to Izaya. “You said earlier that your sisters could do whatever you were willing to do.” He said. “Would you be willing to bend over and let Shizuo ride you like a dog?”

There was shocked silence in the room, mostly from Izaya whose soul had just fled the earth.

“K-K-K-K-Kasuka!” Shizuo choked out, his face flaming red as he shuffled uncomfortably under Izaya. “Where the heck did _that_ come from?!”

Kasuka shrugged. “Are you telling me you’ve never considered it?” Kasuka asked, cocking his head slightly. “I’ve heard you jerking off in the bathroom and grunting a certain someone’s name. I can’t sleep at night because of it. You’re louder than a rhino in heat.”

Izaya’s jaw dropped at both the blatant insult and the lusty insinuation that went with it. J-J-Jerking off in the bathroom?! A “certain someone”?! Did Shizuo like somebody at school? Who was it?! Who was this person that Shizuo apparently liked?! But more importantly than all of that, _Izaya’s baby sisters were right there next to the creep who’d just made that horrible comment!_

However, the rest of the room just whistled and clapped loudly at the accusation.

“Oooh burn!” Kichirou howled, slapping his knee. “Shizuo, how do you respond?”

“Says the guy who gave some poor old lady a heart attack at the airport by masturbating in the women’s room.” Shizuo shot out, golden eyes flashing with passion and a savage grin crossing his face. “At least I’m not so loud that airport security knocks down the door to the stall I’m in looking for a bomb.”

Izaya clapped his hands over his mouth, eyes wide at the harsh comeback.

The room howled with laughter and Kotaru whistled loudly as he clapped his hands. “He got you good!” The boy snickered, wiping some tears out of his eyes. “Kasuka, got a comeback?” Kichirou asked next, grin even wider than it had been at the start of this unfortunate roast.

“At the very least, I’ve gotten laid before.” Kasuka said with a barely concealed smirk. “Have you even had your first kiss yet, Virgin Mary?”

“Oooooooh.” The room collectively seemed to say, looking at Shizuo with wide eyes. That was a good comeback. Izaya was pretty damn sure that no one in the world was masochistic enough, stoned enough, drunk enough, or just downright foolish enough to kiss Heiwajima Shizuo. How was he gonna come back with something after that?

Shizuo did look rather uncomfortable with that comment. He shuffled around, as if trying to think of how to insult Kasuka in the sex-field with something worse than that. But he didn’t have much time before he forfeited his right to a comeback.

Izaya looked quickly over at Kasuka, who had a smug grin on his usually so impassive face. For some reason, knowing that that smug grin came from successfully roasting Shizu-chan rubbed Izaya the wrong way.

Before he could stop himself and think his actions through, Izaya turned around where he was sitting in Shizuo’s lap and grabbed the blonde’s face, pulling him in for a passionate (albeit quite sloppy) kiss.

The room was shocked for a few seconds, but then catcalls and whistles broke out as Izaya had a make-out session with a dumbfounded Shizuo.

Eventually, Shizuo’s brain seemed to start functioning again, and he tightened his grip on Izaya’s waist, pulling him in for a deeper kiss and driving his tongue into Izaya’s mouth. Izaya gave a little squeak of shock, feeling his cheeks blush red at the intrusive movement, but he found himself letting the tongue explore the inside of his mouth, licking over his teeth and gums and the inside of his cheeks like Shizuo was trying to memorize every inch of his mouth. Izaya let out a small moan at the hot feeling that started curling up in the pit of his stomach and he wrapped his fingers in Shizuo’s dyed blonde hair, anchoring the protozoan against his mouth so that he wouldn’t stop.

Shizuo happily complied, slipping his rough hands under Izaya’s thick sweater and shirt, rubbing up his smooth back. Izaya jumped at the contact, but found himself leaning into it, moaning more wantonly than he ever had in his life.

“See! Iza-nii belongs to Shizu-nii!” A tiny voice declared shrilly.

“Shizu-nii ride Iza-nii like dog.” A softer voice added.

“Yeah! Whatever that means!” The first one agreed cheerfully.

Izaya felt his face flush red as he instantly pulled away from Shizuo, gasping for air when their lips parted and turning to look at his baby sisters in shock.

They were watching him with eager looks on their faces, the two of them still clutching tightly to Kasuka despite the lustful look filling the boy’s eyes that was directed at Izaya.  
Dear god. Had he just had a make-out session in front of the twins?!

Why did the universe hate him so much?

“I take my roast back.” Kasuka said, voice a little breathy as he looked intensely at Izaya. “Nii-san has definitely had his first kiss.”

The room burst into laughter as Izaya’s face flamed red, and he looked up at Shizuo to see what the protozoan was doing. But Shizuo looked surprisingly…calm as he smiled at the room, a sort of goofy contentedness coating his face. “Mm hm.” He said smugly, smirking at Kasuka. “And I can guarantee that it was better than yours.”

“Burn!” Kotaru yelled in delight, clapping his hands loudly as the room cheered.

“And Shizuo wins that roast round!” Kichirou whooped in delight, giving his eldest son a thumbs-up. “Thanks to his smoking-hot boyfriend!”

Izaya blushed deeply, ducking his head as the room laughed again. “Not his boyfriend.” Izaya muttered, but he leaned back against Shizuo nonetheless, feeling the protozoan’s strong arms wrap around him like it was second nature, and he waited for the next round of The Roast to start.

***

Shizuo had never been kissed before in his life.

When Kasuka had brought up that sore point, Shizuo knew he was in major trouble. How was he supposed to roast Kasuka back? Shizuo hated being on the losing end of The Roast; it was downright embarrassing. But come on, he had nothing to combat that! It was the blatant truth!

Then Izaya – Izaya the hater of all physical contact, Izaya the prude, Izaya the eternally single ice queen – had spun around and given Shizuo the most heated, arousing kiss that he had ever imagined. It was wet and it was kind of sloppy, like Izaya didn’t have much experience doing it, but it sent fireworks through Shizuo’s body that he’d never gotten from doing anything else. He’d been breathless by the end of it, panting a little and feeling like his eyes were glazed over in pleasure, as Izaya snuggled down all cutely back into his previous position.

And boom – Shizuo had a roast like no other to win that round.

Now Izaya was sitting comfortably in Shizuo’s lap, scolding his sisters for listening to Kasuka’s perverted advice as the girls clung to the pervert like he was a god, Shizuo’s arms were wrapped snugly around his slender waist, and everything felt perfect.

“…kinda worried about what would have happened to me if I had won.” Kotaru’s voice suddenly drifted into Shizuo’s mind, bringing him back into the present. “I mean, I’ve seen him track people with his nose like a bloodhound and hurl other people twenty feet up into the air! How is that humanly possible?!”

Shizuo felt a small blush of embarrassment coat his cheeks at the comments from his cousin. So they were talking about him. Yeah…he was a pretty big freak.

“It’s Shizu-chan.” Izaya shrugged, cutting through Shizuo’s shame as he looked over at Kotaru with ruby red eyes. “His very being defies the laws of physics.”

Shizuo pinched Izaya’s sides gently, and the smaller boy yelped, turning to glare at him with an adorable pout set on his lips. Although Shizuo couldn’t help but notice the way Izaya’s red eyes were a little softer than usual, and there seemed to be a certain happy brightness in those ruby depths that just wasn’t there at school.

Shizuo stared into Izaya’s eyes, a warm feeling settling in his stomach as they looked at each other. He liked seeing Izaya like this. He liked seeing Izaya…happy. But it wasn’t just happiness that was in his gaze right now. It was something Shizuo had never seen before in the smaller boy’s eyes. He wasn’t even sure if the emotion he was seeing had ever settled in those orbs before today.

It was…ease. The look in Izaya’s eyes said he felt protected. Said he was comfortable. Said he belonged.

Izaya smiled happily up at Shizuo, and Shizuo looked down in awe at the raven. Izaya belonged…with him.

“Alright! Moving on to the next person!” Kichirou called, clapping his hands a bit and looking at Izaya in delight. “Now then, do _you_ have a brag or a roast?”

Izaya looked shocked at having been included, and his alabaster cheeks tinged themselves with red as he pressed backwards into Shizuo’s chest. Shizuo’s arms automatically wrapped around the smaller boy, holding him securely to his front as though it was second nature.

Shizuo looked over and saw his mother, her eyes shining with delight and her phone out as she…wait, was she _taking pictures_ of them?!

“Mom! Are you taking pictures of us?” Shizuo demanded, his gold eyes wide as he stared at the offending mobile device. “What?” His mother whined defensively, clicking the button on her phone without remorse. “My little baby looks so happy right now! And this is your first relationship! I need evidence and proof of its existence!”

Shizuo’s face flamed red as Izaya’s body suddenly felt a lot heavier pressing down on his own, smooth curves pressed against his broad muscles.

“Yeah, before you go and accidentally destroy your poor little boyfriend over there.” Kotaru cut in ever-so-helpfully, grinning at Shizuo. Shizuo felt a pang of guilt surge through him at that comment in place of the usual anger. It was true that that was a possibility, wasn’t it? He’d never had a relationship before because he was just too volatile. He couldn’t control himself and he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t hurt whichever poor soul was stupid enough to get close to him.

He didn’t belong in a relationship. He wanted one and he wanted to feel loved, but it wasn’t meant to be.

He felt himself unintentionally shrinking away from Izaya as his head dipped down to look at the floor, shame clouding over all his other feelings. Well, that had killed his good mood quite effectively.

“Well, at least Shizu-chan _has_ a relationship.” A piercing voice suddenly cut in. “I checked your phone earlier and the last time you even sent a text to a girl was over seven months ago.”

Shizuo looked in shock at Izaya, who was perched forward on his lap, and glaring viciously at Kotaru.

The room whistled as the inevitable challenge was thrown down, and Shizuo’s dad seemed only too happy to amp up the tension. “So it looks like you’re choosing roast!” He cackled gleefully, looking at the red-faced Kotaru who was glaring right back at Izaya without knowing what to say. “Fifteen seconds to respond, Kota-kun! How do you do so?”

“I-I-I-” Kotaru squirmed around, evidently trying to think of something to say that would combat Izaya’s (disturbingly factual – how had he gotten into Kotaru’s phone?) roast and coming up with nothing.

Izaya watched him with those stunning red eyes, a smirk set firmly onto his face.

“Go Iza-nii!” Mairu cheered, clapping her hands wildly above her head. “You can do it!”

“Burn him alive.” The quieter one added with a smile, nodding at the scene.

Kotaru looked over at the twins in shock, and then looked back at Izaya with determination in his eyes. “I’m not in a relationship where I have to be worried about getting my head ripped off every two seconds!” He jeered back. “So there!”

Shizuo felt the guilt shoot through him again (were these burns being directed at him or Izaya?) but Izaya didn’t miss a beat in responding. “Oh yes! I’m just sooo worried about what Shizu-chan might do to me.” He said sarcastically, pointedly turning around and nuzzling down into Shizuo’s neck, wrapping his arms around Shizuo’s shoulders like he’d been doing it for years. “He’s such a vicious thing, isn’t he? Rubbing my back and holding me gently? What a nightmare!”

Izaya kissed Shizuo’s neck once, causing the blonde to jump in shock and look down at Izaya with a gaping mouth, but Izaya just turned to glare at Kotaru. “The only thing I’m worried about getting ripped would be my ass if we take it to the bedroom.” He said coolly, and the whole room seemed to rear back with that statement, Shizuo’s dad looking like he was on cloud nine with the sheer burn power of it. Kasuka cheered loudly, whistling in appreciation even though his face still remained incredibly flat. How did he do that?

And more importantly, how long was this Roast going to last? Because Shizuo could feel the blood rushing down with every word Izaya spoke, and the smaller boy was dangerously close to a very special area.

“What makes you so certain he’ll be that pleasing in bed?” Kotaru snapped back, a grin stretched over his face as he hit yet another one of Shizuo’s pressure points. Why was he attacking Shizuo? Wasn’t he going for Izaya?

“The guy has less experience than a 2 year old horse.” Kotaru continued, pointing a finger at Shizuo and then at himself. “I’ve got the drive of a dog in heat. Not much of a competition, is there?”

The crowd whooped with that, and Shizuo’s face burned bright red with embarrassment once more. There was no way Izaya could defend Shizuo against something like that. Yes, he’d pulled off a miracle earlier, but a repeat of that scene wouldn’t help here. And Shizuo wasn’t exactly ready to pull Izaya over his knee and screw him in the presence of his family and two toddlers, just to prove a point.

But Izaya shocked the room again, a smirk slipping over his pink lips with his next response.

“But they say that bigger is better, right? Even if Shizu-chan’s got the experience of a 2 year old horse, I bet his package is at least as big as a horse’s.” He purred, red eyes flashing triumphantly. “And while you may have the drive of a “dog”, I think you’re just compensating for the dog-sized package that _you’re_ carrying.”

Kotaru’s jaw dropped and the room erupted into applause and laughter. “Wow! Oh wow!” Shizuo’s dad cackled, slapping his leg in delight. “That was a burn for sure!” Shizuo’s grandma added, clapping her hands loudly and laughing. “No way out of this one, I’m afraid.” Grandpa snickered, nudging Kotaru in his side with glee.

Kotaru stuttered for a bit, but eventually just dropped his head in defeat. “Man!” He muttered, glaring at Izaya with a red face. “Alright, you got me there.”

Shizuo was along similar lines as Kotaru with the shade of red that was coating his face, but for an entirely different reason. I-I-Izaya thought he was…well, that he had a huge…and that he was good in…

Izaya turned around to look at Shizuo, his red eyes shining happily up at the blonde. “It’s all just assumptions on my part but…I have some _veery_ good evidence to base my assumptions on.” He purred, sliding his arms to wrap around Shizuo’s waist as he nuzzled into his chest. Shizuo felt like he was going to melt into oblivion: either from happiness or from embarrassment, he wasn’t sure yet. What kind of evidence was Izaya talking about? Was it his strength? His height? His…oh god! Did Shizuo have an erection right now?!

Shizuo looked hurriedly down at his lower regions to see if…something…had popped up down there, but (somehow) he was still mostly normal. So Izaya was just guessing. Thank god…

Shizuo coughed a little as his family praised him and his “assets”, wondering how everything had gone so wrong so quickly. Oh well. At the very least, he had Izaya pressed up comfortably into him, enjoying himself for once. And knowing that Izaya felt safe and comfortable with him made Shizuo even happier.

“Iza-nii! What’s a package?” Mairu screeched, dragging the room’s attention back to the _toddlers_ still sitting in the room.

“Shizu-nii’s package.” Kururi added quietly.

“Yeah! And what’s so great about Shizu-nii’s package?” Mairu helpfully elaborated, looking curiously at Shizuo. “Can we see it?”

Izaya jumped up in Shizuo’s lap, his lovely face pale with horror. “Girls! Uh, do _not_ ask about that again!” He ordered awkwardly, running over to his sisters and grabbing their hands, looking between their faces with panic in his eyes. He ignored Kasuka (who was watching him intently like he was going to pounce any second) and just squeezed his sisters’ hands, gulping a little as they turned their attention on him. “Does Iza-nii have a package, too? Can we see that one?” Mairu asked excitedly, looking Izaya up and down.  
Izaya’s jaw dropped and his cheeks flamed red. “W-What? No! No, you can’t! You are not old enough to even be _hearing_ about this sort of thing!” He shrieked, red eyes flicking over to Shizuo like he wanted some help.

“Uh, yeah! You’re too young, girls.” Shizuo stammered, trying to help out his boyfrie– TUTOR. Izaya was his tutor! What was the Christmas Roast doing to him?  
Mairu and Kururi both looked put out by Shizuo’s added statement, but they shrugged and snuggled back against Kasuka. “Well, we have Kasu-nii for now! That’s all we need!” Mairu giggled, and Kururi nodded her agreement. “Content.” The quiet girl whispered, snuggling into the pervert’s other side.

Shizuo winced at the horror that coated Izaya’s face at his sisters’ chosen object of desire. He slowly reached over and grabbed Izaya’s shoulder, gently pulling him back to the floor and onto Shizuo’s lap. “Just…leave them be for now.” Shizuo muttered in Izaya’s ear, letting his lips brush the smooth skin as he spoke. “It’ll be okay. Even Kasuka won’t corrupt such young girls.”

“You sure about that?” Izaya muttered, but he snuggled down into Shizuo nonetheless.

And so The Roast continued, with each member of the circle either roasting each other or bragging about something they’d done that year, and the laughter and embarrassment levels so high, you could taste them in the air. Heck, even Mairu and Kururi participated, choosing to roast their dear older brother over an unfortunate accident he’d had in the kitchen earlier on in the year. Apparently, he’d been listening to music while cooking and hadn’t noticed his apron had caught fire when he bent over the open oven. Until it caught his pants on fire as well and he’d run screaming through the house, eventually running a bath as he hopped about like a mad person and throwing himself into the water.  
Shizuo was never going to let him live that down.

The whole house laughed at that story, and Izaya huffed and glared at his sisters, betrayal written all over his face, but from the softness of his red eyes that was still present, Shizuo could tell that the boy was still having fun.

Everything felt so warm and right that Christmas Eve, even after The Roast was over and they all ate dinner together. Shizuo held Izaya’s hand under the table as the two of them ate, and – wonder of wonders – Izaya actually let him. The smaller boy’s hand was dwarfed by his own, but their fingers wound together perfectly, warm and gentle as they rested on Shizuo’s knee.

Izaya helped his sisters figure out how to eat some of the “fancier” foods (like turkey, green beans, and mashed potatoes – such extravagant cuisine) which were quite a difference from the Oriharas’ usual diet of Instant Ramen. Throughout the whole dinner event, there was laughter and jokes passed around amongst the two families, and Shizuo swore Izaya had laughed more over that dinner table than he had in his whole life.

By the time 11 o’clock rolled around, the twins were passing out in Kasuka’s lap, and Izaya was gently slipping on their coats, mittens, and hats so he could take them home.  
Shizuo walked him to the door, the rowdy sounds of his family fading into the background as he and Izaya exited the house, standing together on the snowy porch. Izaya shifted the twins in his arms, one in each of them, and shuffled a little in place like he wanted to say something else. His red eyes were directed at the ground at Shizuo’s feet, and the raven was silent for once as the wind whistled around them.

Shizuo watched him for a few seconds, wondering what he should say as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

“Um…Merry Christmas, Izaya-kun.” He finally said, and Izaya’s head snapped up to look at him.

A soft smile passed over Izaya’s pink lips, and his red eyes held a look of fondness in them that Shizuo never thought would be directed at him.

“Merry Christmas, Shizu-chan.” Izaya responded simply, and before Shizuo could say anything else, the tiny boy stood up on his tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to Shizuo’s lips, letting the pressure linger for several seconds of pure heaven. Shizuo felt his eyes flutter shut as his hands reached out for Izaya’s waist, pulling him closer. Izaya let Shizuo kiss him for a long time, softly and sweetly unlike the passionate kiss from before, until the raven pulled away.

Shizuo’s eyes opened in confusion, a sort of daze over his mind as he looked down at the raven, wondering why he’d stopped. Izaya gave a small chuckle and showed Shizuo the two girls that were still sleeping in his arms, cuddled up against his body. “I have to get them home now.” Izaya told Shizuo, a gentle smile still on his face. “But…I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Shizuo paused, a different confusion coming over his mind. “But it’s Christmas Day tomorrow. I thought you wanted that evening off, too. Why would you be coming over?” He asked with a puzzled look.

Izaya looked away shyly, a sort of blush coming over his cheeks. “Well…is it so wrong to decide to visit my star pupil over the winter break?” He asked quietly, not making eye contact. “After all, I have to make sure that you don’t lose any brain cells just because I’m not here.”

Shizuo felt his heart pound in his chest at those words. He had no idea what to say to that. He wanted to grab Izaya and pull him in for another kiss, but…he was pretty sure Izaya had reached his limit of physical contact for the day.

They could work on extending it later.

“Sure. I would like that.” Shizuo found himself saying, a smile on his face as he looked at Izaya. “Don’t want to disappoint you when the year starts up again.”

Izaya looked up at Shizuo in surprise, but then that happy look passed into his ruby orbs once more. “Okay.” He said softly. “Then…get ready for some English lessons tomorrow, Shizu-chan! Until then, goodnight!”

Izaya gave a little nod of his head and smiled before starting his walk towards the train station.

Shizuo watched him go through the gently falling snow, a warm feeling in his chest despite the cold. Something had happened just now…He was sure of it.

“Goodnight, Izaya-kun.” Shizuo said quietly before heading inside his house and closing the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you all know, this story is canon to the "Private Lessons" storyline, and it will be mentioned later on in the fanfic! <3 It's not necessary to read in order to understand the story, but it'll be like a private joke sort of thing. So hey, now you're all in on the private joke!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and I hope you liked it! Please comment below and let me know what you think or if you have any questions! <3


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